A Bike for Ben

Parenting is tough!  So many times I just have to throw my hands in the air and ask God, “Lord, please help me!”  I’m pretty non-anxious person—easy going, respectful, and level-headed.  But my kids can infuriate me!  I’m laughing, because really this shows a level of intimacy and love that is profound.  But though my children can really make me angry by their behavior, I must say, it is amazing to me to witness their growth and development as beautiful children of God.  Being a parent is wonderfully fulfilling.  I would not give it up for anything!

So Ben has been having a tough time learning responsibility and the need to do well in school.  He does not always assert himself.  And let’s face it, at 8 years old, I’d rather be out playing with my friends, riding my bike, having all kinds of adventures that only kids can have, than doing homework!  Yuck!

And as an aside, especially with Hope United’s Focus on Education, I must say that way too much emphasis is put on assessment and tests.  I think Ben has more homework in 3^rd grade than I ever had in high school.  I’m serious.  I personally think our whole education system needs an overhaul.  We should do more to nurture creativity, independent thought, self-motivation, and a love of learning.  I find all the tests and the teaching towards the test counter-productive.  Do we want our kids to be good test-takers or do we want them to succeed in life?  I don’t believe the two always align!

Back to Ben; he does struggle with staying focused on his work, and he sometimes has trouble starting something on his own.  He’s very bright, and I’m not sure I’ve ever met someone so observant.  He has the best perceptive skills of any person I know!  More than that, Ben is kind and sensitive, and I am very thankful for his gentle spirit.

To help motivate Ben, Jan and I came up with a plan.  He desperately needed a new bike.  He loves to play outside and ride his bike, and he needed a new one.  He also was struggling in school because he would not work on his homework and assert himself on his work.  And so we agreed with Ben that if he worked hard he could earn that bike.  We printed off a picture of a bike and then cut it up in several pieces.  Every time he received a good grade, he earned a piece of his bike.

Was this bribery?  Well, yes, I guess so.  I’ve always been against any notion of “paying for grades,” and here I go and set up this bike scheme!  The goal, of course, is to get Ben to want to do well in school for himself and for the inherent benefit of learning, not just because he gets a bike.

I think dividing the bike into pieces was the key.  Ben saw his progress.  He got excited every time he got a new piece.  His work ethic improved greatly because he was working on something over time.  And he was so proud when he finally got that last piece.

Of course, we had to go right after school to find Ben’s new bike!  Ben settled on a blue one with hand brakes.

And after we got it home, and he started to get on it, Ben turned to me and said, “Thank You.”  And I know that he meant it.

But Ben learned something more about life that day, about working on something over time to achieve a goal.  He also discovered that yes, he can do this work.  It might be hard some days, but with patience and perseverance and effort, things can be achieved.

And now the trick is for Ben to learn not to try and do well in school just for some material benefit like a new bike, but to do his best in school for the intrinsic worth of learning.

Ron Trimmer is pastor of Hope United, a new church in Georgetown, Texas.  Click here to visit Hope United’s website.